This blog will serve as a chronicle or  biography of my DEPRESSION.
Those of you who have been repelled by my darker Facebook, posts, Go no further. Turn back now. You wont like this any better.


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.Okay then.  Don't say I didn't  warn you.
You can still turn back .







Very well then.

It may be in every life, that there is something out there that can make one ToTaLlY LoSe One'S ShiT.
I hope it never happens to you. I think life is better lived without having to totally lose one's shit.

 When it does happen, you will not recognize yourself. You will fight and flail,and God will discard you.

Everything will change,
or maybe nothing has changed at all. Maybe it has been this way all along.......... Could it be ,I've  sucked the whole time?


..My DEPRESSION was born in September 2011.
Oh sure I've had depression before.  Its commonplace.  It runs in the family. We're artists. We're damned odd, the lot of us. Depression is part of the landscape for an artist.  Theres also the gay thing. What gay person doesn't feel at times alienated  and a bit of a stranger to the  mainstream?
But its been cool. .No big deal. No surprise. Depression is a natural part of the territory.
My previous depressions have been short-lived and easily tamed with fairly low doses of pleasant  pharmaceuticals.

Not this time, Bucko.
This DEPRESSION was born large and strong, and kicking ,  when something, some one thing, happened which made me sad.
A sad happenstance.
 For crying out loud, sad shit happens to everybody. Its part of the human condition. We learn to be willows. We bend. Buck up. Carry on. Good God! Stop crying!

Not this time.
This one is intruding on all my waking moments, and many of my sleeping moments as well.
This one , I can feel. spiky, like a buzz saw. This one, I can taste. Bitter, bilious.
This one is dry heaves
 Its ruining my posture.
I swear, sometimes I can feel it dissolving my bones.

It separates me from human-kind.
It fragments my thoughts.
 It changed my pleasures, and made them vexing.

I DID NOT USED TO BE THIS WAY.


I would kind of like to come back.
Although I do not expect my life to be just like it was before.

I'm going to try to take this thing on.

I will endeavor to record some of my thoughts and experiences here as time goes by.
You are welcome to watch.

Heres a song from Green Day. (Play it loud)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MN_j-l1zLeQ